Phase 3 - Module 1 Take 2 and Phase 4 - Module 2.

A few days later Baggy headed off back to the Test Centre with her preferred Instructor. No practising for Baggy beforehand, "You don't need it". She had practised her 30mph engine noise all the way to the test though. Baggy checked in. It was the same Examiner. Good. We went out onto the Test pad. "Do  you have a preferred direction around the circuit?", "Yes, clockwise". "Okay, ride your bike into that parking slot". This meant that this time, Baggy's U-turn test was in the section that was in an open area and that her Instructor had given her a specific focus point for (not in the one next to a thick hedge, that Baggy thought she was going to go straight in to, so stared at it during her first Test! The Examiner's comment at the time, you will end up where you are looking"). The Owner of the School had also given Baggy some advice that morning before she headed off, which was, "Don't use the whole section, make it as small as you like". Now Clever Bird had assumed that you had to use all of it, so Baggy had been riding pretty much the full length of the left-hand side before doing a U-turn and then riding back down the whole right-hand side. In fact, she thought (wrongly) that she had failed the U-turn test when she put her foot down as she was heading up the left side on her first test, which is why she then didn't try too hard on the U-turn itself and mucked it up. Much harder work than it needs to be. The Owner said to ride in and immediately do the U-turn. SO this time Baggy did. It was perfect.

In fact all went perfectly until we got to the swerve. Baggy hadn't gone quickly enough. The Examiner said, "Right, you weren't quite quick enough, so have another go". "Okay". "Remember that I said 'quite'", "Okay". You are allowed only two attempts, so get it wrong a second time and it's an instant fail. Repeat performance. Baggy rode back out and parked her bike. She went in to see the Examiner. "Well done you passed". Phew.

Facebook Status (2/10/13): "So Phase 3 of 'Become a hairy' proved to be a little pesky! BUT it is now complete. I passed the Module 1 Test this morning. Oh yay and beep beep".

 



Calum and I were off on a holiday to Wales the next day, so I was very happy to be going away with a few more beard hairs wafting in the Welsh breeze. When we got back it was time for Baggy to do her Module 2 Test. The one out on the roads. It was a very early start for Baggy. She had to leave home at 6.00am. It was a really foggy day. Usually students have an hour long lesson on the way to the test. Baggy had said that she didn't want one, as she would rather just ride there and save her energy for the Test. She had a completely different Instructor to escort her this time. He was an Advanced Instructor who instructed the police bikers. Baggy didn't even want to lead, but she did at his insistence. The traffic was rush hour heavy traffic and by the time they were half-way there it was even thicker fog (it's a good thirty-minute plus ride) and Baggy couldn't see much through her misted visor, but she was scared to wipe it in case she made it worse.

Then the Instructor told her to pull over in the next lay-by near a pub. "Oh dear", thought Freda Fretter "what's wrong?" It turned out that as we had time to spare (because Baggy didn't want a lesson), he was stopping to buy Baggy a coffee. Lovely. And breathe. "I just wanted to say, that if you ride like you have been doing you will sail through", "Awww, thank you", "No, seriously, it's like being out on a ride with my mates. If I didn't know differently I'd think that you were an off-duty police officer". Wow! Well that shut Freda Fretter up and gave Baggy a boost. "Thank you. Urm, how do I clear my visor of fog?".

When Baggy checked in at the Test Centre there were three Examiners on duty. Baggy crossed her fingers. She was rewarded. Amazingly, Baggy got the same chap once again. She was so nervous, but by the time she went outside for her test, the fog had cleared. She set off. So nervous. Shaking like a little (well, no) a big leaf. Hearing her Instructor in her head. Shoulder check. Indicate. Move off etc. The Examiner told Baggy which way to go. She was concentrating so hard on what she was doing that she thought she'd gone the wrong way at the very first junction. She hadn't. Baggy headed off straight on to country roads, so was immediately whizzing off at 60mph. The test went by in a blur. She went completely the wrong way at one roundabout; one of the worse ones in Ipswich! She should have avoided it altogether if she'd been paying attention. But fortunately you don't fail for going the wrong way. Phew! Baggy got back to the Centre around fifty minutes later and followed the Examiner back in. He sat Baggy down. Breath held. "I'm delighted to tell you that you've passed. You only had two minors". Baggy kissed the Examiner! Not sure how horrified he was!

Facebook Status (18/10/13): "I can feel the beard sprouting as I type. I passed my Module 2 Test this morning. So it's official, I am now a HAIRY BIKER. With huge thanks to Ipswich Rider Training. I am seriously chuffed".



Baggy is a Hairy Biker Hen........

Phase 3 - Module 1 Training. Beep beep.

Theory Test polished off, the School owner booked Baggy's Mod. 1 and 2 Tests. No pressure then eh Freda Fretter? Baggy had another lesson on the roads with yet another Instructor as the Test Centre wasn't available for a week. This Instructor was more Baggy's style. He was very encouraging and gave her some useful advice about listening to the sound of the engine to know whether she was going at the desired speed , rather than having to constantly look at the speedo. Good plan. But she wasn't very confident and her right turns were rubbish!

Facebook Status 3/9/13: "Today's lesson was one of those "two steps back" ones.

Oh well there's always the next one"

The next lesson was therefore at the Test Centre on the course that is always set up for the Mod. 1 Tests. Calum decided to accompany Baggy and give her a bit of encouragement, so he followed her in her car to the Training School, on his bike (any excuse to be on it). Then he followed Baggy on "her" motorbike to the Test Centre. Unfortunately Baggy's preferred Instructor was still on holiday, so she had the U-turn man. It didn't bode too well really. Freda Fretter is too much of a worrier to manage his teaching style.

Calum parked himself down at the end of the Test pad with the Instructor. Baggy started to have a go at the test in sequence. Starting with manoeuvring the bike from one parking bay into another next to it, whilst pushing the bike from the ground. She seriously struggled with this. Not a good start. Probably a lot to do with Baggy's weakened right collar-bone that was totally shattered in one of Grotty Groom's falls from her horse Wesley. Right. Things can only get better. Next the U-turn. Yes, well the least said about that the better. Disaster.

Figures of eight. No problem. Riding at a crawl. Easy-peasy, after all of the practise in the real traffic of Ipswich town centre. Swooping chicane style through cones. No bother. But then the really (to Baggy) scary bits. Riding round the big semi-circular circuit, through the speed check machine to do an emergency stop and a "swerve". Hmmmmmm! These are both supposed to be done from a minimum speed of 30mph. The first emergency stop was done at under 10mph, then 15, then 20mph. The swerve was even slower, by the third go Baggy had got to the dizzy heights of 17mph. Unfortunately the Instructor didn't help. All he told Baggy was that she needed to speed up. Really? You don't say? But Freda Fretter was scared. Each time, "You're going too slowly. Try again". We ran out of time to carry on and Baggy was delighted to be heading back to the School. She felt much more confident on the roads and happily rode at 30mph; but she didn't have to "squeeze" through the seemingly narrow speed monitor and do an emergency stop or swerve immediately afterwards.

 Facebook Status 7/9/13: "I'm going to be a hairy if it kills me! Weaving figures of eight. U-turns. Emergency stops and swerves; not even close to fast enough, but still twice the speed by the last one as I did for the first attempt. :) I can do this I think. No I CAN!!!!

Once back home, Freda Fretter asked Calum how useless he thought Baggy had been. But Calum was actually really impressed with how well Baggy was riding the bike after only a few hours of lessons. He suggested that the Instructor wasn't right for Baggy's personalities. "Well that's what I thought" said Clever Bird, "he really worried Freda Fretter". The perfectionist in Baggy needs a lot of encouragement, she doesn't need to be told that she's doing it wrong. Clever Bird had already spotted that.

So for her next lesson she said that she would wait until her preferred Instructor was able to teach her. It was a great lesson. For the first time Baggy went on the A14 dual carriageway and even though it was pouring with rain and very windy, she went at 70mph for the first time. So  how can 30mph swerves be so scary? Especially when the first part of the lesson had been crawling through Ipswich in heavy drizzle, so the 70mph seemed even faster.

Facebook Status 11/9/13: "Phase 3 of become a hairy is back on track. Oh yes, whizzing along the A14 in the wind and rain today after crawling through central Ipswich in the drizzle. Oh yes, oh yes. BIG GRIN above the increasingly hairy chin :) "

The next lesson was back at the Test Centre because the Mod. 1 test was the following week. This time Baggy had her favoured Instructor. The first thing he did was to show her a much easier way of manoeuvring the bike from one space to the other. Instead of just pushing it round backwards in one baby U-turn as Baggy had been shown before, she was to reverse it out and then round to the left. Then push it forwards, past the space that it had to go in, before reversing it in to the space. Much further to move the bike, but so much easier. He also showed Baggy a better way of holding the bike to take its weight, which meant that you could also use your knee to support it.

So, the U-turn. The Instructor reminded Baggy to look at where she wanted to end up and not to focus on the line she mustn't go over or she would end up heading straight for it. He also told her exactly what point to focus on on the horizon. Perfect U-turn. Twice.

When it came to the circuit and the emergency stop and swerve, he told Baggy exactly what speed to be in at each point of the circuit while remaining in second gear. By the third attempt she managed the swerve and the emergency stop from 32mph. Yay. At least two beard hairs sprouted and stayed there.

Before the test which was in ten days, Baggy decided to relax by taking Grotty Groom to ride her horse, Wesley a couple of times. Wesley was in one of his spooky moods on both days and each day did a sharp spook, where he drops from under Grotty while he figures out which way to flee from the "danger". When he almost instantly realises that actually he's okay and doesn't need to run anywhere he shoots back up just as fast; this is at about the time that gravity is pulling Grotty back down into the now rising saddle. Result: very badly jarred back. Twice. Two days later Grotty rode out once more with Calum on his horse Joey. We had a lovely ride and Baggy's back was fine. Both horses were very calm, so Grotty suggested a canter. Three strides into a beautifully controlled canter up a hill, Grotty felt as though Baggy had been shot in the back. The pain was excruciating. Clever Bird thought a rib may have broken or she had punctured her lung (something she experienced when her collar-bone shattered, this was a similar pain). She had to yell at Calum to pull Wesley up for her as she had no strength. Not quite sure how Grotty got Baggy back to the yard. Calum had to lift her off Wesley. A trip to A&E concluded that it was probably a torn muscle or a squashed vertebrae and that it wouldn't heal any time soon.

So Baggy went to the school on the day of the Mod. 1 Test, full of painkillers, but still with a very painful back. The Instructor taking her to the Test was the one who had told her about listening to the engine noise. On the way to the Test he told her to stay in second gear as she approached the roundabouts and get up to the correct gear for her emergency stop and swerve and to remember the sound.

When we got to the Test Centre he asked if Baggy was okay. Clever Bird told him how worried she was about the U-turn. So he suggested that they practise it on the bit of road outside the Test Centre. Hmmmm! It didn't exactly go well. She got there but only after four attempts.

The bike re-parking went well (if painfully). The U-turn didn't. Instant fail. Because I'd told the Examiner about my back, he asked if Baggy wished to continue. "Oh yes" says Clever Bird, "it will be good practice". "Okay, well get your bike into position and we'll carry on". Baggy rode the bike forward and turned the bike back round in to the U-turn section. She then proceeded to execute a flawless U-turn! Grrrrr! "Well, I had no doubt that you could do that, but you understand that it doesn't count?", "Yes, I know".

Figures of eight. Easy. Riding at a crawl. Easy. Chicaning round cones. Perfect. Right, emergency stop. "No pressure", said Clever Bird, "you've already failed, so just do your best". Listen to the engine noise. Don't look at the speedo. Perfect emergency stop. Round again for the swerve. Listen to the engine noise.  Don't even glance at the speedo. Check where you're going. Okay swerve. Pah! The toe of Baggy's right boot caught the cone and sent it flying. Well if Baggy hadn't already failed, she had now! Ah well. She rode over to the Examiner. "Your emergency stop was impressive. But do you know how fast you were going?", "Oh no, was I too slow?", "Errrr no, you need to be doing 30mph", "Yes", "Well you were doing 43mph!", "What?", "Yes and you were doing 42mph for your swerve. It's not surprising that you touched the cone".

Oh, well done with the engine sound Clever Bird. It helps if you're doing 30mph, not 40mph when you practice it! A very disappointed Baggy headed back to the school.......

Phase 2 continued - 650cc bikes


It occurred to Clever Bird after Baggy's last lesson, that two hour's in one go was a bit much for an old bird like Baggy; mentally and physically. So the next lessons she booked were one hour sessions. Baggy was nervous about riding a 650cc bike, but Clever Bird explained that she was an idiot. The leap from a 125 to a 500 is huge, but Baggy was fine. From a 500 to a 650, not so much. Today's bike was a Kawasaki 650 ER-6n. Clever Bird (not for the first time) was completely wrong, there is a significant difference between the power and feel of a 500 and a 650; no idea why, some clever technical explanation. But Baggy found it much more comfortable than the Honda. More checking of clutch and brake positions to fit Baggy's hands. More practise at feeling the subtleties of the extra power. And Clever Bird it did feel considerably different.

Then an hour of riding through central Ipswich in the pouring rain. Baggy had the same Instructor as last time. He figured out quite quickly that Clever Bird is a bit of a perfectionist and puts too much pressure on Baggy while Freda Fretter just causes her angst, so he was very good at encouraging and motivating Baggy. Right turns became a little easier. Neutral gear was not accidentally found. Baggy learnt to ride at a crawl in heavy traffic. Her Instructor did a bit of a tourist guide commentary to keep her from trying too hard, relaxing Baggy into riding instinctively.

Facebook Status 12/8/13: "Yee hah, oh no wrong ride - should have said Brrrm Brrrm!

Very big grin"

 

A few days later, the next lesson was with the same Instructor (at Baggy's request), but this time was out in the Suffolk countryside. Up and down hills on bendy 60mph roads. Whizzing along. Banking the bike. Learning to steer through gently pushing the handlebars and using Baggy's weight. Through shade and light. Avoiding pot-holes. Swerving round man-hole covers and drains. Over railway tracks. Going fast enough to discover that once she goes over around 55mph Baggy's ponytail starts spinning out behind her like some mad animal. Brilliant sunshine. Clever Bird wishing that she could remember how to drop the internal sunglasses in Baggy's helmet down. Squashed bees and flies on the visor. Two whole beard hairs sprouted. Back to base feeling as though Baggy was really getting somewhere.

Facebook Status 16/8/13: "Crawling through central Ipswich in the pouring rain on Monday. Cruising round country lanes at 60mph in sunshine today. The Kawasaki 650 behaved on both occasions. I did my best. This here becoming a hairy thing is indeed a steep learning curve,

but kinda fun."

 

The next lesson was different again. This time Baggy's preferred Instructor wasn't available, so she had a new one. The lesson was to be on the private "pad" where Baggy had started her CBT, but of course this time she could ride to it. Same course. Much more powerful bike. Mini-roundabout, cones, right-hand turn all okay. "Okay", says the Instructor, "Let's see you try a U-turn". He explained what he wanted and where. Baggy set off. Executed a perfect U-turn. "Very good. Have you done that before?". "No, that was my first time. It's easy", "Well no, it isn't. You need to do this, that and the other, blah, blah, blah or the bike could fall over and land on your leg". "What?" worries Freda Fretter, but we did it perfectly. "Okay, do it again".

Baggy set off. Disaster! Not even close. Miles past the line she was supposed to be within. "Okay, blah, blah, blah, remember not to lean, blah, blah". Baggy set off. Even bigger disaster. "Try again. see I told you it wasn't easy". But it was till you started blah, blah, blahing. "Seriously, I cannot do this". But Baggy, as Clever Bird said, you did it perfectly, instinctively. Right, so do that again. Yes finally, not perfect, but at least not a disaster. Any beard hairs that had appeared had now disappeared. Baggy is trying not to cry with frustration. Figures of eight were next. they weren't great as Baggy had lost her confidence. Back to base. Baggy was very low.

Facebook Status 19/8/13: "Weaving through cones and doing figures of eight and U-turns today. On the bike that is, not on the Wessles horse! Got home looking forward to a well deserved cup of tea and there is no power in the village :( "

Baggy's next piece of advice, choose an Instructor who suits your personality. There was nothing wrong with today's Instructor, but his style really didn't work for Freda Fretter. She had done a perfect U-turn. If he had just asked Baggy to do that again, just as before, she would have done it. Instead he explained why "it was so difficult", so despite having done it perfectly, Freda now believed that Baggy couldn't do it, and that she might even get hurt trying. Guess what?



Never mind, concentrate on the Theory Test. Baggy's next piece of advice, revise. It's surprising how many new road signs have appeared in thirty years. Plus there are lots of questions specifically related to motorbikes. Baggy was a good student. Clever Bird made her work. So although rather nervous, she sailed through her Theory Test. Yay, Module 1 Test, here we come........

Phase 2 - Lessons on Big Bikes



Facebook Status 5/8/13: "Phase 2 of Become a Hairy starts tomorrow - if I can remember how to ride the 125 from last Wednesday, they are putting me on a 500. Eeeeek!"

Phase 2 is proper beard-sprouting stuff. Get on a big bike. So five days after doing the CBT, Baggy headed off for a two hour lesson on a Honda 500cc bike. A different Instructor greeted Baggy. More nerves. In the end, Baggy actually started the lesson off on a 125 again, because the Honda needed a bit of a brake repair (someone had dropped it). So Baggy got her feel for the roads again for half an hour on the little bike before going back and having a cup of tea and swapping to the mended Honda. Trembling.

But Baggy fits the big bike so much better. The Instructor spent a while making sure that the brake and clutch were adjusted for Baggy's hand size. Then he let her get the feel of the clutch and accelerator. Wise decision! Wheelies nearly occurred in the car park. Clever bird agrees that it's better to risk accidentally doing a wheelie in the car park rather than on a road. Clever Instructor. By the time Baggy was told that we were heading out on the road she could manage a nice slow controlled crawl forward. Pity the exit from the car park was up a quite steep slope, then a weird little turn up a hill. Major wobbling, but Baggy made it.

Truth be told once Baggy was a few hundred yards up the road, she realised that it was a much easier bike to ride than the 125. This was for two reasons, firstly she wasn't miles too big for it and secondly because it was so much more powerful, it was possible to be a lot more subtle with the accelerator.

The Instructor did have to tell Baggy not to feel the need to grip the handles, particularly the accelerator quite as though she was trying to snap them in half, but that was easier said than done. He had a point. Over-revving the engine every time she changed gear became the order of the day. As did accidentally kicking it into neutral when intending to put it into second gear. Really not clever, Clever Bird.  Especially when going round a roundabout. This happened rather a lot. The biggest realisation about this was that Baggy needed to be a bit less subtle with the gears (which for non-bikers) are worked with the left toes. It is not possible for the gears to shift two at a time. So a hard "kick" is required to get it from first (which is pushed down) to second which is "pulled" up. If it's only pulled a little way it goes in to neutral. But it can't accidentally go beyond second without a repeat performance, so Baggy needed to be firmer. Less hand action, more foot action needed!

Baggy still kept getting it wrong though. Neutral equals no power! Neutral on a roundabout equals scary! Thank goodness for the Instructor constantly chatting in Baggy's ear to help her out. Before she knew what was happening Baggy was riding in heavy traffic in central Ipswich. Beep beep. Having pretty much sorted out the "neutral" thingy, Baggy then needed to contend with right turns. They are even more scary. It's so easy to look at the opposite kerb and think that you are going to ride straight into it. Guess what, you probably will. Next major piece of advice, look where you are going. Your head is the heaviest bit of a person and Baggy Body has a very large head. She should have remembered from when Grotty Groom rides her horse Wesley, that just looking in a different direction, will shift Baggy's weight and with a horse as responsive as Wesley that can be enough to get him to go in a different direction. Same on a bike. It has a bad habit (if you're looking the wrong way) of going where you're looking. So, look up the road to where you want to end up Baggy. It works. Clever Bird just needs to remember it.

Beard hairs seemed to be sprouting and retreating in equal measure. After another hour or so the lesson came to an end. Baggy was exhilarated but exhausted. She was also a little disappointed that she still hadn't mastered the bike, until the Instructor and Clever Bird reminded her that this was only her first lesson. Good point.

So confidence tweaked up she booked her next one on a 650cc Kawasaki. Beep beep. When booking it she was told that you are not even permitted to book your tests until you had passed the Motorbike Theory Test and that there was a three week waiting period to take that. Because Baggy is ancient, in her day there was no Theory Test. The Examiner just flicked the Highway Code book open at the end of the test and asked you a couple of random questions. So she hadn't experienced the joys of the new Theory Test: fifty multiple choice questions on the Highway Code and a Hazard Awareness Test undertaken by responding to video clips. Baggy hadn't even looked at the Highway Code since her driving test thirty years ago. So when she got home she booked her Motorbike Theory Test and ordered all the revision books. She could practically feel the hairs hovering just under the skin on her chin, just quivering waiting to pop out when she could master a 650cc bike.

Facebook Status 7/8/13: "Oh yay, oh yay. This becoming a hairy thing is REALLY FUN. Have ridden a 500cc bike today around the streets of Ipswich!!! Booked my theory test for the end of the month. Ordered all the practise books. Booked my next lesson for next Monday on a 650cc bike!!!! Oh yes! LOVING IT :) "

Phase 1a - Do the Compulsary Basic Training (CBT)

Because Baggy is an old bird, it was possible for her to go straight to a big bike. Unlike younger people she didn't have to ride a 125cc bike for a couple of years first. Well she had been driving a car for thirty years, so at least she had road experience. So buying a 650cc bike wasn't as nuts as it might have seemed. But the first stage for absolutely everybody is to do the CBT. The bike dealership had recommended Ipswich Rider Training to Baggy so she gave them a call and booked her one day course. To say she was nervous was an understatement. She had no idea what to expect. She had visions of being the one batty old woman amongst a group of teenage lads. Actually it turned out to be just Baggy and a thirty-something guy who was doing his third CBT because he hadn't got round to doing his test.

Facebook Status 29/7/13: "Phase 1 of "Become a hairy" is in place - first day of training is booked for Wednesday. Exciting!"

Baggy's first piece of advice on the road to becoming a hairy, is pick your training school with care. If you can, get a recommendation from someone who's been there. Baggy's school was great. Very thorough. And if you weren't good enough at the end of the day, you could come back the following morning for further training at no extra charge. Handy! Tea on arrival. Always a bonus. A good hour or so discussing, bikes and motorbike gear and road sense, before going out to the garage to be introduced to our motorbike for the day. A good introduction to our bikes: where the clutch is, the brake, the gears etc. etc. Then lunch. And breathe. Fitted with Hi-Viz and a headset so the Instructor could talk to us. Bundled into a van. Driven to the off-road centre to get on our bikes. Waaaaaaaah!

 

The chap Baggy was with hopped onto his bike and immediately started to whizz off around the little course. Well he had been riding a 125 for over two years. Baggy decided not to panic. She switched the bike ignition on. She felt the beginnings of a tiny little beard hair sprouting. She put the bike into first gear. The hair grew a bit. She moved off. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! She kept going. Fully sprouted beard hair. Yes, Baggy is a biker. Well, no, okay she isn't Clever bird, but at least she's on the move. Second gear. Wobble. Wobble. Beard hair retreated. Meanwhile the other chap is merrily shooting around the course, the cones, the mini-roundabouts, the pretend road junction, right turn and all. Baggy is by now fairly whipping along! She must have hit at least 10mph. But the advantage of not having a clue was that she pretty much had the undivided attention of the Instructor. It took rather a long time, but eventually Baggy was managing to go round the course. On the straight she even managed to get into third gear and do 30mph. Just. Briefly. Holding her breath. Another beard hair attempted to start growing. Then retreated rapidly when Baggy was required to do an emergency stop. Finally after (probably considerably) longer than it should have taken, the Instructor said that we, well Baggy (the other chap had been ready all day) were ready to hit the roads of Ipswich. Well not literally, although that's what Baggy was scared of. No beard hairs in sight now. Eeeeeeeek.

It was one of the scariest moments of Baggy's life. She felt okay on the safety of the private "pad", but the thought of being on the real roads. Terrifying. Fortunately, the Instructor led and took us round quiet housing estate roads until Baggy was beginning to get her confidence. Beep beep. Then the other chap led the ride. Then Baggy was asked/told to lead. Arrrrrrgh! It was so much more scary being in front. But slowly she was okay. We must have gone round the same little circuit about twelve times. Beard hair gently pushing out. The right turns at junctions were particularly terrifying. But eventually it was time to go on proper roads, with proper traffic. Okay. Don't panic Baggy.

After a few minutes of realising that actually she was okay, Baggy began to feel confident. A little too confident perhaps. She decided to demonstrate this to the Instructor. She was leading so she pushed herself up to fourth gear and 40mph. Brrrm brrm. Beep beep. Big grin. Then she heard a little voice say that she might want to slow down to thirty so that she didn't get her first ticket as a biker. Oooooops. The Instructor had let Baggy whizz along for a way as he was so pleased that she felt confident enough to do it, but she'd failed to notice the speed limit change. Ah well. Shrivelled beard hair. But Phase 1a of becoming a hairy was enjoyable, if tiring. By the end of a very long the day it was official. Baggy had her CBT Certificate and was now legally allowed on the road on her own. Or to ride a bigger bike with an Instructor. Oh yeah. So Baggy booked her next lesson for the next week on a 500cc Honda..........  

Facebook Status 31/7/13: "Phase 1 of "Become a hairy" is complete!!!! I have my CBT certificate!! Am now totally cream-crackered and on the wine". 

Phase 1 - Make the Decision

In order to become a hairy biker chick, hen or bloke, from here on in known as a "hairy", the first stage is really very simple: make the decision, "I am going to be a hairy". In Baggy Body's case this decision was reached because her husband Calum is a fully-fledged, old-school, long-haired, bearded, tattooed, "proper" biker. He's been riding motorbikes, man and boy and loves it. Sun comes out equals get the bike out. Biker mates going to a rally equals stick the tent on the back of the bike and head up the road. Cool bike goes past or parks nearby equals dribble over it. So inevitably when Baggy and Calum became a couple seven and a half years ago, it wasn't long before he suggested that we head out for a Sunday pub lunch with Baggy riding pillion on his Triumph Trident.

Now a little bit of background information is required here. One of the reasons that Calum and Baggy got together in the first place was because Calum, who was already a friend, had started calling her after Grotty Groom had a life-threatening fall from her horse Wesley that put Baggy in to hospital for eight days and had her signed-off work for over ten months (another story for another day). Calum called regularly to check how Baggy was doing and they became very close. When Baggy and Calum became a couple, Baggy still had an unhealed collar-bone nine months after the fall and it was a further nine months before she was allowed to let Grotty Groom get back on the Boy Wessles. She came off in the first place because he got into a race with a pony and would not pull up. Grotty had no control whatsoever and when Wesley did an effective 45-degree acute turn in a full gallop, Grotty continued forward over his head and hit a five-bar gatepost rather hard.

Baggy had also never been on the back of a motorbike before. Well, that's not quite true, when she was in her twenties she was going to have a ride on the back of a friend-of-a-friend's bike. It was a Laverda Jota and the friend-of-a-friend was an idiot! He decided to show off the power of his bike. He set off so fast that Baggy literally got left behind and fell off the back. So that was the end of that. There was no way she was getting back on again. When she was a student though, she had a little 50cc Honda Melody moped and loved the freedom it gave her (until it was stolen by joy riders and written off). So Baggy figured that she would be fine on the back of Calum's bike.

So one sunny Sunday lunchtime a few weeks after Baggy and Calum became a couple, Baggy hopped onto the back of Calum's Trident and went about ten miles to a local country pub. Calum rode smoothly and slowly, but by the time they got to the pub Baggy was ready to throw herself off! She didn't like riding pillion one little bit. She didn't realise it at the time, but Grotty's accident had re-wired Baggy's brain to be on full danger alert when travelling at speed with no control over being able to stop.

A couple more outings over the next couple of years were just as terrifying, even though by then Grotty was riding Wesley once more. Then one day Calum suggested that Baggy went on the back of his bike to go to the yard to ride the horses. It was only a two mile journey along windy, single-track country lanes. After a lovely hack on the horses, Baggy and Calum headed home on the bike. Now although it was only two miles and only about the fourth time that Baggy had been on the back, Calum went fast. As we were heading towards one of the almost 90-degree bends, with a nice clear road ahead, it occurred to Clever Bird that Calum wasn't slowing down. In fact he was going so fast that he began to bank the bike! Baggy grabbed Calum tighter and wedged her knees on to his sides. At which point Calum slowed down rapidly. He had apparently forgotten that Baggy was on the back. Being a horse-rider, Grotty has given Baggy really good balance, or perhaps Grotty is a good rider because Baggy has good balance, but either way, Baggy sat so quietly and evenly that Calum had totally forgotten she was on the back. Hmmmm!

Calum regularly asked Baggy if she'd go to bike rallies with him. Truth be told, they're not really Baggy's thing, but also there was the minor detail of getting there as a pillion passenger. So Baggy always found some reason not to go. But Baggy really wanted to share this aspect of her (by now) husband's life with him. So she went to Copdock Motorbike Rally with him (in her car with Minty Mutt) and looked at bikes. She sat on a couple of 125cc cruisers and thought they were rather cool. So a while later on an impulse Calum stopped at a motorbike dealership so that Baggy could sit on a few different styles of 125cc bikes.

Now Baggy is 5 feet 10 inches tall and at the time was more than a little bit overweight so she kind of "drowned" the 125s. She's also rather impulsive (in fact frankly she shouldn't be allowed out sometimes), so long story short, she left the dealership the proud owner of a 650cc Yamaha Dragstar cruiser. Black and sexy and her incentive to become a "hairy". Decision made.........

Facebook Status 27/7/13: "Okay it's official. I'm a) impulsive b) barking and c) now a HAIRY BIKER! OMG, what have I done??????!!!!!!"

 

 

 



 

Facebook Status 28/7/13: "Well better book some lessons and pass my various tests because I have bought this. A Yamaha XVS 650 Classic. Told you all I am barking".