Phase 1 - Make the Decision

In order to become a hairy biker chick, hen or bloke, from here on in known as a "hairy", the first stage is really very simple: make the decision, "I am going to be a hairy". In Baggy Body's case this decision was reached because her husband Calum is a fully-fledged, old-school, long-haired, bearded, tattooed, "proper" biker. He's been riding motorbikes, man and boy and loves it. Sun comes out equals get the bike out. Biker mates going to a rally equals stick the tent on the back of the bike and head up the road. Cool bike goes past or parks nearby equals dribble over it. So inevitably when Baggy and Calum became a couple seven and a half years ago, it wasn't long before he suggested that we head out for a Sunday pub lunch with Baggy riding pillion on his Triumph Trident.

Now a little bit of background information is required here. One of the reasons that Calum and Baggy got together in the first place was because Calum, who was already a friend, had started calling her after Grotty Groom had a life-threatening fall from her horse Wesley that put Baggy in to hospital for eight days and had her signed-off work for over ten months (another story for another day). Calum called regularly to check how Baggy was doing and they became very close. When Baggy and Calum became a couple, Baggy still had an unhealed collar-bone nine months after the fall and it was a further nine months before she was allowed to let Grotty Groom get back on the Boy Wessles. She came off in the first place because he got into a race with a pony and would not pull up. Grotty had no control whatsoever and when Wesley did an effective 45-degree acute turn in a full gallop, Grotty continued forward over his head and hit a five-bar gatepost rather hard.

Baggy had also never been on the back of a motorbike before. Well, that's not quite true, when she was in her twenties she was going to have a ride on the back of a friend-of-a-friend's bike. It was a Laverda Jota and the friend-of-a-friend was an idiot! He decided to show off the power of his bike. He set off so fast that Baggy literally got left behind and fell off the back. So that was the end of that. There was no way she was getting back on again. When she was a student though, she had a little 50cc Honda Melody moped and loved the freedom it gave her (until it was stolen by joy riders and written off). So Baggy figured that she would be fine on the back of Calum's bike.

So one sunny Sunday lunchtime a few weeks after Baggy and Calum became a couple, Baggy hopped onto the back of Calum's Trident and went about ten miles to a local country pub. Calum rode smoothly and slowly, but by the time they got to the pub Baggy was ready to throw herself off! She didn't like riding pillion one little bit. She didn't realise it at the time, but Grotty's accident had re-wired Baggy's brain to be on full danger alert when travelling at speed with no control over being able to stop.

A couple more outings over the next couple of years were just as terrifying, even though by then Grotty was riding Wesley once more. Then one day Calum suggested that Baggy went on the back of his bike to go to the yard to ride the horses. It was only a two mile journey along windy, single-track country lanes. After a lovely hack on the horses, Baggy and Calum headed home on the bike. Now although it was only two miles and only about the fourth time that Baggy had been on the back, Calum went fast. As we were heading towards one of the almost 90-degree bends, with a nice clear road ahead, it occurred to Clever Bird that Calum wasn't slowing down. In fact he was going so fast that he began to bank the bike! Baggy grabbed Calum tighter and wedged her knees on to his sides. At which point Calum slowed down rapidly. He had apparently forgotten that Baggy was on the back. Being a horse-rider, Grotty has given Baggy really good balance, or perhaps Grotty is a good rider because Baggy has good balance, but either way, Baggy sat so quietly and evenly that Calum had totally forgotten she was on the back. Hmmmm!

Calum regularly asked Baggy if she'd go to bike rallies with him. Truth be told, they're not really Baggy's thing, but also there was the minor detail of getting there as a pillion passenger. So Baggy always found some reason not to go. But Baggy really wanted to share this aspect of her (by now) husband's life with him. So she went to Copdock Motorbike Rally with him (in her car with Minty Mutt) and looked at bikes. She sat on a couple of 125cc cruisers and thought they were rather cool. So a while later on an impulse Calum stopped at a motorbike dealership so that Baggy could sit on a few different styles of 125cc bikes.

Now Baggy is 5 feet 10 inches tall and at the time was more than a little bit overweight so she kind of "drowned" the 125s. She's also rather impulsive (in fact frankly she shouldn't be allowed out sometimes), so long story short, she left the dealership the proud owner of a 650cc Yamaha Dragstar cruiser. Black and sexy and her incentive to become a "hairy". Decision made.........

Facebook Status 27/7/13: "Okay it's official. I'm a) impulsive b) barking and c) now a HAIRY BIKER! OMG, what have I done??????!!!!!!"

 

 

 



 

Facebook Status 28/7/13: "Well better book some lessons and pass my various tests because I have bought this. A Yamaha XVS 650 Classic. Told you all I am barking".